It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
