Plan B is the new Plan A
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
