..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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