Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
