pop tarts are not kleenex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
