there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
People in love make me want to vomit
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
