Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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