Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize