omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
