You're my little dorito
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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