On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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