Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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