Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
