Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have feelings that need drinking.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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