Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
