I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
