he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
