i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
