Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
