I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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