So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
