Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize