A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
