I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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