I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how can u be prego again
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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