It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
