Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I looked at my own cervix.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
