i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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