I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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