we're chasing vodka with high fives
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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