Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize