I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
