so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
