Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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