remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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