I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
