Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
