Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
