I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
