Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize