I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
