Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
