12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
