Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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