Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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