this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
