We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
