do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
