We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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