Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
