swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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