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don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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