One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
