Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize