Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
