She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
