girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
