she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
