In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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