one might say we're banned from that church
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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