Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
