Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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