No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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