Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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