My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
