So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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