her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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