Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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