if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
