He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
