i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
