so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
