Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
