If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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