I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
