My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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