i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
