ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
