He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
