We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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