This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it glows. i had to have it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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