Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
