I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
