I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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