i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
lets start a swedish sibling band together
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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