everyone is single if you try hard enough
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
