That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
