I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
